SOUNDS OF HOPE: Brain injury survivor determined to raise awareness through song
“It is about looking at life differently, celebrating our wins, and giving a voice to survivors who need to have a voice.”
Dr. Kathryn Ladano
Having just finished the most meaningful musical performance of her lifetime, all bass clarinetist Dr. Kathryn Ladano wanted was some water, and maybe something to eat from the reception area.
Instead, she was surrounded by supporters inside downtown Kitchener’s The Registry Theatre congratulating her on her years-in-the-making, 60-minute piece, Anatomy of the Recovering Brain.
The replenishment would have to wait.
“There was just a stream of people that wanted to talk to me after (the performance) and tell me how much that music impacted them,” Ladano said of her Sunday matinee show in June 2023. “I couldn’t believe it. I’ve been performing most of my life, I’ve never experienced something like that. I was happy to talk. It was amazing.”
That high point was only made possible by the Kitchener resident’s remarkable determination in response to the lowest point of her life three years earlier. In the fall of 2020, Ladano was rear-ended while stopped at a traffic light in Toronto. The career musician suffered a brain injury that changed everything in an instant.
Ladano went from playing her clarinet with ease to initially not being able to play at all. Simply getting through each day was a struggle, with light being intolerable and reading impossible. She had been diagnosed with a concussion among other injuries, and the physical pain and discomfort were almost too much to take, to say nothing of the mental challenges.
“I went through some very dark times — the darkest times of my life as a result of this injury,” she said. “It really destroys your mental well-being.”
About a year into her recovery, she was approached by a friend and musical collaborator, Toronto-based composer Frank Horvat, with the idea of making new music inspired by her healing journey that could bring awareness to brain injuries and survivors of brain injuries.
The idea was met with a resounding ‘yes.’ While things were touch and go early on — Ladano couldn’t play for more than five minutes without the feeling of pressure in her head forcing her to stop — they eventually put it all together.
The 60-minute composition includes "fixed electronics” as background, bass clarinet, and the recorded voices of six brain injury survivors, including Ladano, describing their journeys.
“Neither of us was aware, and I’m still not aware of any (other) piece of music that is thematically about brain injury,” Ladano said.
It went from idea to commissioned project thanks to partnerships with the Brain Injury Association of Waterloo-Wellington and the Ontario Brain Injury Association. Additionally, Waterloo Region Community Foundation (WRCF) provided support through its Arts Grants Fund.
Ladano, who was in her final year of a decade serving as Artistic Director of NUMUS, a cultural incubator based in Waterloo Region, stepped on stage to debut the special project in front of a near-sellout crowd that included brain injury survivors coming together in June, Brain Injury Awareness Month, with proceeds going to brain injury survivors.
“When I performed the piece, it was so hard for me to get through it,” she said. “I needed to be so focused and not get distracted, not get emotional. Just every ounce of focus and energy I have, just play that music, read the score, don’t screw it up, get it right. I was really pleased with the performance.”
“The performance was both exceptional and memorable. As a person with lived TBI experience, it took me on a roller coaster of emotions and described in music the experience of living with a TBI.”
The immediate aftermath was dizzying but entirely uplifting.
"To hear some of those survivors come up and talk to me and say how much the piece meant to them, how they felt the music completely represented their journey... how it really gave a voice to these people,” she said.
“Ultimately, the piece is meant to bring hope,” she added. “It’s not supposed to be dark and depressing, about how awful these injuries are. It is about hope, it’s about looking at life differently, celebrating our wins, and giving a voice to survivors who need to have a voice.”
Picture of Anatomy of the Recovering Brain performance in June 2023
WRCF established the Arts Grants Fund in 2020 and continues to provide funding through an arts focused grants stream based on the needs in our community, and indicators of the impact of the fund. In 2023, $298,000 in funding was provided to 21 small and mid-sized arts organizations and collectives, as well as projects focused on the arts in Waterloo Region.
"Through my work with NUMUS, we’ve been fortunate to have the support from WRCF many times over the years,” Ladano said. “The wonderful thing about it is that when they have funded us, I think it has always been for something that’s a little bit outside our normal operations and our normal activities and it’s often been something really important like this.”
Four years into her recovery, Ladano has made significant strides physically and mentally. She is optimistic but blunt about the impacts of her brain injury.
“I look back to before my injury and the person I was, and that person is gone. That person will never return. I’ll never be that again,” she said. “It’s hard because it’s almost like you’re mourning the loss of self. You’re mourning the loss of your life as you know it because you just can’t do the things that made you happy.”
One thing that does make her happy is advocating for others, and she’ll continue to do that with Anatomy of the Recovering Brain, a piece she is now in the process of professionally recording.
"The feedback from that concert really made it clear to me that this piece needs to reach more people,” she said. “This piece has a real power to tell people’s stories and help people understand this type of injury and these types of recovery journeys. I really hope that with the recording we can take it so much farther and reach so many more people with it.”
For more information on the Brain Injury Association of Waterloo-Wellington, visit biaww.org. For information on the Ontario Brain Injury Association, visit obia.ca.
If you would like to learn more about NUMUS and get information on upcoming performances, visit numus.on.ca.
To learn more about WRCF’s Arts Grants Fund, visit wrcf.ca/artsgrants.